Au revoir May. Adieu bittersweet memories.

Why is it that every time you choose, you’ll lose something else eventually? You just don’t want to lose them both since both of them played a big part on your life. However, in the end I just lost them both. Last month.

So there’s this guy that made me happy once, not really once but for years until a year ago wherein I realized that I am really nothing to him. I got stuck into admitting love (finally) over someone who just got back to his ex. The thing is, he did not fight for me. He could have broken up with the girl if he really loves me back but he did not. I lost. I got bitter (I still am). I fought the urge to talk to him until this April when I found out he got Dengue. Days after visiting him in the hospital, he asked to see me again because he wants to tell something important. But I did not reply.

And then there’s this other guy who is really making me happy since February with just absolute randomness. But there is no certainty on what will happen between us. With this distance. With the things we still don’t know about each other. With this enigma.

Since I was really bothered of guy1 that time, I asked guy2 about it. And it surprised me that he gave good advice. Like.. If I still like guy1, I should throw away my ego for I would regret it when he stops asking my forgiveness and just move on. But if I don’t, then just ignore.

So I made up my mind, that I really don’t want to be with guy1 anymore. I can’t just ignore him so I replied, telling clearly that we don’t have to see each other anymore. I’m in like with someone else now. After that convo, *poof* he removed me as contact in fb. I guess I’m out of his life now, for good.

As of guy2, I don’t know what happened. As far as I know we were good, at least he made me think so. Talked normal then days after, I will just see that he deleted me as a contact in msn. People just love to delete me, eh? I don’t know why he did that I am not even doing anything. Maybe it’s because of a girl? Who knows, maybe it’s an ex? (oh, fml. not again) Best case scenario: maybe he just need to focus on his studies. But does he really need to do that? I’m stuck with maybes. He could have just told ‘I hate you. Goodbye’ straight to my face than to say the opposite of it then poof like a ninja. Maybe it’s just in his nature to raise a person’s high hopes, then just disappear. Make you feel so loved then will suddenly make you feel neglected. Er.. just so you know, I was willing to fight for that unusual thing we were in. But I can’t just do it alone. Oh fuck, I feel terrible for even thinking it’s gonna work out.

I’m sorry but I just have to let this out. May already ended, so be these shit.